Nina Thrasher

Questioning doubt furrows my brow

As I take one more step towards my tomorrow.

If I peddle the past, and deal its blows

Will it give my present peace?

I shuffle the deck and spread the cards

for glimpses of my future;

But today all I feel is longing

and attachment for those faraway dances.

How tall were you? And were your hands craggy?

I remember your fingers were long.

Your hair was a mess, your smile full.

As beautiful a man as time beheld

from all the beginnings.

And, oh, but your sigh was graceful

I want to see you now…is that so unbelievable?

As if all these years were not.

And would I even recognize the funny tumble of your walk?

Would I know that the care on your kind face

was for a stranger?

Or for the young girl that was me?

I’m thinking, thinking of calendars

full of days without you.

And the ironic thing is that today I can not get you out of my mind…

when I haven’t even thought of your name for years.

Swirling rifts of smoke behold my bluest eyes

Light and dark conflict, no need to sympathize

Day and night bemoan an endless nothingness

What have I ever known of life’s eternal bliss?

Enchanted by the moon, or blinded by the sun

Two alone together, canst among them make but one

As loneliness eats deep my heart

A past in love severs mine apart

And what of reasons to exist?

A bitter cup of emptiness

I see the beauty in a flourishing orchid flower

Mine eyes forget their happiness in an hour

Swimming deep unto the clouds of heaven

Drowning sleep is but all couldst braven

If there was a day

When I would be free

To love with all of my heart

the you and the me

If there was a place

Where lovers could meet

Could I ever be happy

just seeing your face?

Let’s dance in the rain

Naked bodies entwined

Together we’re two

of the happiest kind

Let’s go to that space

On the top of that hill

To kiss and embrace

And to have our fill

If there was a way

To make it forever

I’d give you my soul

And never say never

Oh, deep down in the waters of a witch’s moon

I cry, I pause,

embrace my doom

With tiny flicks of candlemass

I hide beneath a plate of brass

This space of nature-

this space I’m in

Covered with furry moss

in my witch’s den

Can I come out and see the joy of Puck?

Or forever in this mood I’m stuck!

A light so dim inside my heart

beats softly, slowly; where’s the start?

A cry to God to call my name

A day so sad, yet always the same

My mind it aches with thoughts and fear

Why oh why must I be here?

The wedding bell was stilled that day

I left at once, though asked to stay

A vision of hope streams bit by bit

A breath for life that’s barely lit

Why oh why must the day’s go on?

When all I want is a silent song

Here is a story of a girl who lost her mind

Splintered and crushed and passed through time

She had no lovers to comfort and to keep her

She had only open veins draining deep and deeper

A little girl played happily with dolls and toys and trains

A car went speeding into Daddy and crushed his little brain

A girl cries out all alone for the mother went at birth

To a place where they say God lives, never to know her daughter on earth

A teenage hellion runs from hell, for that’s the house she’s in

A convent orphan’s child now whose feelings are a sin

She goes so far in a stranger’s car and enters a cruel world

Where God’s forsaken memories are rumors to be scorned

Lovely child for grace begot and left without a care

Lonely piece of flesh and blood, was your bitter life unfair?

Today she wiped her life away with a neat and steady hand

Please forgive me mom and dad, the pain inside was grand

I am at peace as I watch the flowers blowing in the wind

Understand my life was grim and now I am but sand

Drifting free with all that’s here and but a speck of dirt

Which is how we all should be, to save us from the hurt

Piercing noise invades my pretty head

No one else can hear the music imploding

My body exploding without control enfolding growing old

As I walk on fire and give away old times

To the grandfather on the wall ticking away

I sway back to the past reaching fast

To hold on tight to my depression

I fight for light to prop me up so I can see

Energy bursts away from me

The dance is unexplained

I’ve never done this before

I don’t understand the heat from the sun

Sending me back to the grace of ice cold water

Gulping down life

Groping for sense

Floating on air towards the tunnel of life

I’ve unstuck myself from the rut

of how I’m supposed to be

Leaving behind society

and images of propriety

Embracing love and everyone is how it’s supposed to be

And now I’m finding youth again

And singing songs out loud

Giving up the gray cloud of sadness

I hung up every day

Now I can say it’s glorious to be happy

My goal in LIFE-

Run

Jump

Play

Be joyous and free

Above all

Love yourself

The rest of the world can follow if it wants to