Category: Musings

Greetings to this life of mine. I am the instrument of my destiny. I have free will. And with that the ability to choose. I can wallow forever in tears or I can make my own happiness by my own part, with my own mind. Say to yourself, “This minute you can be happy.” And so it shall be. Do not worry about the next minute. Only live this minute. Then when it is over, again say to yourself, “This minute I am happy.” It is all a matter of thought. And do not think too much. Enjoy. Enjoy this life. The happy minutes are short after all. And soon it is all over. Life is short. But you have now. This very minute, by my thought, I have the free will to decide if I shall be happy or not. Why would one choose not to be happy? It is ludicrous. Given the choice, would you choose to be happy or sad? Only a sane person would always choose happy, for what kind of person would choose to be sad? An insane person. One with incorrect thinking. When I am thinking clearly, of course I would choose to be happy. So make the choice, and let it be so.

Choose the happy minute.

Today, this moment, is all anyone has. Why not enjoy it? Be alive, be happy, experience joy for this moment. Do not wallow in sadness and fear. For that is a waste of time. Time is so little and goes so fast. One minute is only 60 short seconds and then it’s gone. One minute can be filled with happiness or sadness. Why not choose the happy minute? And then choose another happy minute. And then another. Until all the minutes are happy minutes.

Choose the happy minute.

I am so lucky. I have a husband who works hard for our family. I have two healthy, beautiful daughters who are a joy to me, even when I am so tired I could cry. I have a home that is my fortress. I have God on my side. I am blessed. I think realizing this every day is important. I don’t want to take what I have for granted. I have not always been so lucky. It is my husband, John Mark, who has given me the life of my dreams, and God who gave us to each other. Though I am currently mothering two young children and am certainly the most exhausted I have ever been in my life, I am grateful every day for the opportunity to be so tired. I am striving to stay in balance. I am working on my addiction to caffeine. I am working on my attitude. I am working on my faith. And I am so lucky. I am so blessed. Thank you, God. Thank you, John Mark.

Today while running errands, I drove past a man on the street wearing a shirt that said “All Hope is Lost”. My first reaction was sadness. Because if there are people out there with no hope, something bad is bound to happen. Then I realized I am probably just old. I bet it is a band or something. I am just not hip enough to know about it. I wonder if all those past years when I thought I was so cutting edge are back to haunt me, middle aged, married, mom of two? In my youth, I did seek to provoke, thoughts at least, with my industrial music t-shirts for bands like Skinny Puppy, The Revolting Cocks, and Meat Beat Manifesto. Now with kids of my own, I imagine I’d be horrified if they wore sporting something of the sort. So if there is a band out there called All Hope is Lost, I am sorry, but I wouldn’t listen to you. Perhaps this is close minded. As I’ve gotten older I can’t waste my time with depressing music. It’s why I don’t watch horror movies anymore or read scary books. I’m about to give up on the news, it is so negative. I am certainly more selective with the short amount of time I have here on earth to spend. I choose to spend it wisely on things that make me happy. I have great amounts of hope for the world. When you have kids you are definitely hoping for a wonderful future for them. In the midst of this “Disaster in the Gulf” news coverage, I am hoping for a positive bent to the story, somehow we will recover and move on. Yes, it is horrible and will be for some time, but it is not the end of the world, so let’s talk about “Recovery in the Gulf”. So many people are so negative about so many things, I want a positive aspect instead. You could never make me lose my hope, but possibly this is because I have faith.

Painted colors flood my mind with a tide of fresh ideas. Beauty is simple and pure and divined in majestic individuality. Ugliness is a word of placed judgment and usually beheld as an opinion, while in actuality it is our mirror we see in everything, and all reflects back to us what we are. If something or someone is deemed unfit for tolerably pleasure filled sight, it is upon those that see it so to embrace that image for their own. For they have recognized it for themselves. Is it not fantastic that society esteems beauty in only a very few models, when in reality every person and every thing is beautiful just as it also allows an element of ugliness. We live in a world of dualities and for everything that is good there is also a bad.

I want to notice God more. I know He is all around me, I just want to be aware of His presence in a more present sort of way. These past couple of years we have had purple Mexican petunia flowers blooming every day in front of our house. By late afternoon, all the day’s blooms would fall off, only to be replaced by a new batch the very next day. I mean, a bunch of flowers. I guess I took them for granted, because this year we have hardly seen any. The weather was very dry this Spring. And so, I have missed seeing the purple blooms in a way I didn’t think I would. I have missed pointing them out to my older daughter, Petal. I have missed how fresh and full they are in the morning, and how limp and withering they turn by afternoon. I have missed the way they framed the front of our house. I have missed the little miracle of their daily blooms and their reminder of God’s creation and the passing of time. If they come again next year, I will notice them, indeed. And they will make me think of God. Tonight I watched, mesmerized, as my five month old daughter, Eden, fell asleep. Her perfect little face, the eyes getting more and more sleepy, happily slurping down her bottle. This little creation of my womb, is, I know, God’s greatest creation. I, am God’s greatest creation. We are all God’s greatest creation. If I can notice a fallen flower after the heat of the day and see God’s hand at work, then I must be able to recognize the work of God’s hand in the stranger, the lover, the mother, the child, in each and every one of us. I would like to be able to notice God in you, dear reader, at all times. I hope not to need to remind myself of this. I would like to reach a point where I recognize God in all people all the time. That is a great reach, however, when I remember how many times I didn’t even look at the petunias, and I don’t even make eye contact with so many people. Since I want to notice God more, I think that I will begin with the flowers. Each time I see a flower, I will remind myself that God made it. Next, my children and my husband are God’s gift to me. I can see God in them at all times. My extended family I do love and that should not be too hard, either, to remember their divinity. Beyond that, I will need some work at recognizing how great God is in all that he has created. I pray that I will be more aware of God in so many things, but most of all, in myself.

So glad to be living a life of freedom. There are definitely things I don’t like about our government, but I wouldn’t want to live in any other country. Last night, as Petal was falling asleep, she asked, “What’s that?” about the firecrackers going off in the neighborhood. I  explained about the fourth of July and how people celebrate, hoping she would easily get to sleep, even with the noise. Today we talked to her about independence, and what that means to us as Americans. I hope to guide her, and Eden, in the knowledge of how blessed we are here in the United States of America. I know I am blessed, and thank God for what we have here. I cannot imagine my children going to sleep to the sounds of fighting jets or bombs or gunshot (though that can’t be completely ruled out as a possibility). At least I feel safe here in my home. With John Mark as my someone to lean on, share with, and be my support here, and God and His son whom I can lean on, share with, and gives me support spiritually here and in Heaven, I feel so lucky.

No God

No Peace

Know God

Know Peace

I wonder sometimes if I had any life to choose what would it be? Giving this some thought I have decided this, I want to live the life I have now, it is my kind of life. I love my husband and children. I have a home of my own. I am my own boss, being a homemaker and stay at home mom. Sure, more money would be sweet, I wouldn’t mind weighing a bit less, and I wish I was more patient, but all in all I think I am living the life God intended me to. And truly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. So, what to do with the wonderful life I have? I want to improve myself while being in service to God and others. I want to complain less and give more. My father used to say that work is a prayer and a blessing. My mother has worked hard in the service of others (mainly her nine children!) all her life, and she is about the calmest, most centered and peaceful person I know. I would like to emulate her in this. I do not mean to be a martyr, but what do I need with shopping for clothes or extra stuff? What do I need with all the many time suckers in this modern life that take away from the really important work at hand. Caring for my family is important. Washing dishes is important. Changing diapers is important. Folding laundry is important. Sometimes I am tired of this work, and would love to just take a nap. Oh well. There’s the baby crying. That’s ok, because also, loving God is important. Luckily, I can do that all day long while I do the other stuff, too. It is my kind of life and it makes me happy.