my kind of life
Screaming fish
Flit for an hour
And all the while
I smile at you in the shower
It’s kinda hard
when you have no feet
to walk for miles
to find the dreams
thrown away
for no particular reason
Screaming fish
Sit on your plate weary
Life is seen through ever teary eyes
And I get wary
When you get scary
Stabbing the fish as I cry
Today is gone
the moon has sung
A moments lament
forever wrong
I splish, I splash
This way and that
Until I am swallowed up too
There is no time to time today
All my feelings swept away
Fingertips tender touch I play
Haven’t got a lot to say
Pulling vines out of my hair
Making rhymes without a care
Floating visions transcend air
Shining faces ever fair
Moments I anticipate
Golden eggs they dissipate
Forgotten words of sin and hate
Forever blessed and never late
I’m falling out of bed over you
I turn and yearn instead for you
I’ll make myself undressed for you
I’ve got an alligator crush over you
Feign then what’s by a decent tact believed
And act that state is only so conceived,
And build an edifice to form
For house where phantoms my keep warm.
Imagine, then, by miracle, with me,
(Ambiguous gifts, as what gods give must be)
What could not possibly be there,
And learn a style from a despair.
Moonlight
Splattered tight
across my body’s distance
I cannot escape
this futile race
or ponderous existance
TIME
moves on
without my grace
and even make me
Question?
O why O why encompass space
of mindless wallowing frustration?
She
cuts him deep
and deeper still
Payback nights
of listless ill
Feigned delight
A wondrous sight
The lover’s heart I keep
Soon she’ll sigh
morning’s come
a brush goodbye
Old letters from
a forgotten lie
Reminds me some
I left your name
Out on the street
You felt the same
So why’d we meet?
Embrace the pain
Your foul retreat
Erase the game
Steal the rain
Remain this way
Alone again
Alone again
again
Fading light pours low
over the frail white hand
Her touch is frigid
Her eyes stare, glassy
Barely watching, a word, you say
Senses immune
She forgets
the seeds she has sown
The tears keep falling
Endless rush
Like a gloomy river
running nowhere
Coming, coming
But never going
Moment to moment
I pass the time
Collecting the drops
Wondering
As the fires of day grow dim
The light of the moon lies low
Calling to the undead
Screaming from below
I awake with an evil start
And slowly open my eyes
In answer to your thoughts
I hear my own self cry
Pushing through the darkness
Digging toward fresh air
Zombies have to put up with things
like bugs in long dead hair
I walk with joy and freedom
While you afraid with pain
Crawl away to solitude
And wipe away my name
My time to live is lost
Once again I’m lying deep
Inside the ground that holds me tight
Bleeding in my sleep
I am so lucky. I have a husband who works hard for our family. I have two healthy, beautiful daughters who are a joy to me, even when I am so tired I could cry. I have a home that is my fortress. I have God on my side. I am blessed. I think realizing this every day is important. I don’t want to take what I have for granted. I have not always been so lucky. It is my husband, John Mark, who has given me the life of my dreams, and God who gave us to each other. Though I am currently mothering two young children and am certainly the most exhausted I have ever been in my life, I am grateful every day for the opportunity to be so tired. I am striving to stay in balance. I am working on my addiction to caffeine. I am working on my attitude. I am working on my faith. And I am so lucky. I am so blessed. Thank you, God. Thank you, John Mark.
Today while running errands, I drove past a man on the street wearing a shirt that said “All Hope is Lost”. My first reaction was sadness. Because if there are people out there with no hope, something bad is bound to happen. Then I realized I am probably just old. I bet it is a band or something. I am just not hip enough to know about it. I wonder if all those past years when I thought I was so cutting edge are back to haunt me, middle aged, married, mom of two? In my youth, I did seek to provoke, thoughts at least, with my industrial music t-shirts for bands like Skinny Puppy, The Revolting Cocks, and Meat Beat Manifesto. Now with kids of my own, I imagine I’d be horrified if they wore sporting something of the sort. So if there is a band out there called All Hope is Lost, I am sorry, but I wouldn’t listen to you. Perhaps this is close minded. As I’ve gotten older I can’t waste my time with depressing music. It’s why I don’t watch horror movies anymore or read scary books. I’m about to give up on the news, it is so negative. I am certainly more selective with the short amount of time I have here on earth to spend. I choose to spend it wisely on things that make me happy. I have great amounts of hope for the world. When you have kids you are definitely hoping for a wonderful future for them. In the midst of this “Disaster in the Gulf” news coverage, I am hoping for a positive bent to the story, somehow we will recover and move on. Yes, it is horrible and will be for some time, but it is not the end of the world, so let’s talk about “Recovery in the Gulf”. So many people are so negative about so many things, I want a positive aspect instead. You could never make me lose my hope, but possibly this is because I have faith.